Animal
by Thatgirlwhowrotestuff
Summary: Renesmee and Jacob. Will Jacob's love for Nessie be enough for her to go against her fathers wishes? What if something fatal happened.. would Jacob be left wondering what if? R&R. Thanks x
1. Imprint

Animal

Preface

My name is Jacob Black and I'm a Werewolf. I'm not the sort of guy people mess with, not the kind of guy your parents want to meet, I'm not a guy for normal girls. I'm desperatly in love with a girl who means the whole world to me anyway, and she's half Vampire.

Im Trouble because I'm a constant danger to everyone around me, but besides all that I'm just a normal sixteen year old. Frozen to be sixteen until I choose otherwise. I'm just alittle bigger than your average sixteen year old and lets face it I live like a complete dog, but dont all teenage guys?

I live with my Dad—Billy Black and he's really great, He knows I'm a werewolf because his dad was one too. He knows everything about how the little Jacob I once was turned into this.... _Animal._

Chapter one- Imprint

I imprinted upon Nessie, whos farther was the Vampire that had turned my innocent Isobella into a filthy bloodsucker, Her mother was Bella.

This ment Firstly I could never rid myself of Edward Cullen. He had always been the 'better guy' or the 'good guy'. I think people forget what he is. I hate the creatures. And its not **just** in my blood. He dazzled Bella, I could never of matched that. I didnt _Sparkle._

Renesmee is physically and mentally ahead of her years, she's wonderful. I wouldn't feel right leaving her to live with the dirty bloodsuckers if it wasn't for how much they loved her too. No child had ever experienced the amount of love those baby-craving Aunts give her, not to mention the fact they dont sleep.

The other thing with Imprinted on Nessie is I'll never see anybody quite the same. I love her so much, I would Die a thousand times over to save her from any harm. And Werewolves arent easy to kill. Its more powerful than a parent's love and alot more desperate. I _need_ her.

I spent a few hours each day with her, I was to them the less bruiseable babysitter when they went out "Hunting". Hunting wasnt the word, what they did was a blood hunt. A thirsty malicious brawl. Disgusting.

Renesmee has the most beautiful eyes, they're brown. Like my Bella's were. Her bronze colored hair falls in ringlets down her back, It is most beautiful too but it's something she got from her farther.

My dad and Charlie had been the closest friends from the beginning of time. Charlie had wanted me to get with Bella, he wanted (in effect) Nessie to be my child. For that reson I'm sort of glad Bella chose the bloodsucker, Nessie wouldn't of been Nessie. I might never of imprinted and I'de still be bawling over how I was never good enough for Isobella Swan.

I was perfect for Renesmee. I'de even put aging on hold so I could wait for her to catch up abit, she was still quite young.

Bella thought it was wrong at first, me imprinting on her **baby. **But I didnt love Nessie for the same reson's I had liked other girls in the past, that would just be disturbing. She was my "Soul mate" and the soul ages differently to the body. A soul never falls out of love.

She knows that I imprinted on her, I remember the night I told her. It was one of Billy's massive BBQs, it takes alot to feed the pack. Bella and Edward eventually let me bring Nessie. they took the oppertunity to go on a weekend trip to Jacksonville, Bella needed to see Renee and she had enough self control not to drain her, Bella's able to control her desires almost as well as the others.

I was left split resonsiblity with the Cullens. Who after some pursuation decided to go 'hunting' to get their minds off the fact that their precious Renesmee was attending my dad's BBQ, to be surrounded by around twenty werewolves.

She was still really young but not a toddler, about six or seven if she were human but in reality she was barely two. She knew I needed her, but didnt understand why.

It was the first time she had met some of the people there, she had infact only met me, Sam, Seth, Quil and Embry. Vampires and werewolves arent suppost to get along but Nessie was half bloodsucker and everybody loved her.

Nessie has a talent, she can touch you and tell you whatever she wants through her mind—I told you she was Brilliant.

We were sat around the fire in a half circle with Billy and Sam at the head. Last year our pack had split up because of Bella and Renesmee but we reunited soon enough, we were all brothers and sisters (including Leah) in a way. Sam had remained Alpha, I had tried to be Alpha but it wasn't everything I thought it would be. There was too much reponsibility and I wouldn't want to ruin Sam's happiness.

Nessie hesistantly put her hand on my shoulder and showed me images of Leah, Nessie looked confused. In each of the images Leah had a different facial expression; Saddness, anger, envy, guilt—the average feelings Leah felt around Sam. Her high school sweetheart who left her for Emily- the girl he imprinted on. Nessie was finding it awkward seeing her like that. At least she didnt have to hear her thoughts.

I shrugged to her, as if to say "And?", she didn't know it but Leah was known to have difficult emotions with Sam around, it was hard having them in the same pack. Leah was furious when I told her I was rejoining the others.

"Whats hurting her?" She whispered, I pointed to Sam and Emily briefly, who were sat hand-in-hand at the head of the circle. Emily had fallen asleep on Sam's shoulder so he was wrapping blankets around her, even though she was proberbly sweating already-us werewolves have really high body temperatures.

"Oh erm, thats quite.." She said, "I know" I mumbled, it was awkward. She placed her hand on my shoulder again showing me a picture of Emily's scarred face, three thin pink lines. "Sam" I paused wondering why I was telling her this, but then remembered I would do anything she asked "he lost control with her" she winced and her soft hand moved to her face. I wrapped my arm around her little shoulders, "Don't worry, I wont loose control with you" I whispered "I have alot more to loose" _My sanity, my happiness, my will to live._

She fell asleep so I had to carry her to my car, I began driving to the Cullens but as much as I tried to keep her asleep and stop the questions being asked the roads were rough on the reservation and the engine was really loud so Nessie soon awoke. "Why did Sam leave Leah?" she asked hesitantly,

"Erm, he fell in love with Emily" I answered.

"Didnt he love Leah?" she asked.

I nodded slowly, "He loved Emily alot more though" and being a child she asked the question all parents grow to hate.

"Why?" she asked.

"He imprinted on Emily" I answered quietly.

"Imprinted?" She looked at me all confused.

"It's the way us werewolves find our soul buddies" I said.

"Did Jared imprint on Kim?"

"Yes."

"Quil and Claire?"

I nodded, she looked amazed. "Wow" she said. "Jacob...?" I winced at my own name, as I knew what question would follow. "Did you imprint on me?" She asked in an accusing childish tone, almost as if it were a game. I laughed, "Yeah" I mumbled.

All she could say was "Oh". There was an awkward silence that seemed to drag on forever. "What dose that mean exactly?" she asked.

"It means I will always be here for you, for as long as you want me to be" She didn't need to know that if she told me she didn't want me around anymore I would be on an unstoppable path to self distruct.

"I will always want you around Jakey, your my best friend" I turned into the Cullen's driveway with a smile. A snow white silouette was standing just feet from my car, She hugged me and wrapped her little arms around my shoulders. She felt to small, so _Breakable_.

"Goodnight" I whispered. "Nighty Night Jakey" she said and her voice rang in my ears, it was the most wonderful, mood lifting sound in the world.


	2. Childhood

**(For those who read past the first chapter- I changed my mind about where I wanted my story to go, I have made some major adjustments to the storyline and this time it might be longer. Thanks for reading)**

Chapter two- Childhood

Renesmee and me are never going to get old, I stare into her childish eyes sometimes and it bothers me that she's not normal. What if she wanted children? People don't think of things like that though, they just race into imortality and don't look back like Bella was going to. She didn't plan to concive Renesmee, well actually she planned that out quite well. She just didnt think she _could _concive when Edward was a Vampire. She was foolish on her hunnymoon with her Bloodsucker while she was still human. That really disgusted me because I loved Bella at the time, I loved the girl I imprinted on's mother wierd I know. But how could he of even taken the chance? How did he have enough self control? He must of been stronger than I predicted because lets face it, I didn't trust him. I didn't expect I would ever see her again.

Renesmee's childhood was all she would have, her golden years. The years when she aged like a normal person in ways, no normal person grew as quickly as she did. Her time was so limited.

When Renesmee did grow older I knew she would take it upon herself to live like the others, among the Vampires. She wouldn't have to but really, would Edward ever let her move away from home? She was after all his closest thing to a family.

Renesmee was soon stumbled into adolescence; she had spots and was wearing a bra when she was only four. There was a stage when she wouldn't leave the house because she had a zit on her forehead. I don't think she would ever of left the house if Alice didn't bribe her with new clothes.

When she did was five things really began to change about her. She was getting older and looked around fifteen. She looked mature and was completly irresistable to me, I caught myself looking at her more and more. She hadn't fallen for me yet though. She was too caught up on other things. Her hair was long and wavy now and went halfway down her back, she was the most beautiful thing to ever walk the earth.

Her laugh made me smile. her voice was the sound of an angel. she was everything I had ever wanted. More than I deserved. There wasn't enough words for how she made me feel, and I wont bore you.

When Edward heard my thoughts around her he was ready to kill me. "You sick, completly insane mongrel" He shouted at me. "That's my daughter".

"I didn't.." I tried to defend myself. "I wouldn't.." I said but I'm not sure what I was going to say after that. "I'm only human" I shrugged. "Don't be expecting to EVER see her again, your should be glad I haven't ripped your head off already" He growled.

"Maybe not ripped it off, but you've defonatly bitten at it" I said under my breath. "I could rip it off?" he offered.

"Go on then" I took a step towards him, I would fight him to the death before I said I would stay away.

"Don't" I heard a voice behind him. Bella. "Oh but Bella I haven't had a good fight in weeks" I joked. "And your not going to get one" she said pushing Edward out of the way. "We'll talk about this later" She said to him.

"Why can't you two get along?" she pleaded. "Your not suppost to get along with your in-laws" I pointed out.

"Oi, I heard that" Renesmee called, then danced infront of me. "Im not married to you Jake" she said. Bella laughed then edged toward the door, "Im going to talk to Edward," She told me then dashed out the door.

"You alright?" Nessie asked me, looking into my face "My dad didn't scare you did he?" _Seriously these guys needed thicker walls. _"Oh that was nothing" I said.

"Looked like something to me" she laughed. "Next time control your thoughts" she smiled at me then walking into another room. I shook my head, this was unbareable. How did Quil cope for god sake? Claire was only 6 though, and she looked six. She didn't flirt outrageously and her dad wasn't a Vampire.

Edward came round, without much pursuation. Bella was like a weapon for me, she pulled his strings and got anything she wanted from him. And she wanted what was best for Renesmee – Me.

Things didn't get any better and I was ready to snap. I wanted her. I would do anything to get the Vampire's consent. Traditionally I had to ask her father for her hand in marriage, If only the freaking Vampire wasn't so old fashioned. If I had half a brain I would kidnap her and take her to Vegas but I would surely be slaughtered when I got back, I _was going to have to grit my teeth..... and be nice._

Was marriage what I really wanted though, I mean I didn't look good in a tux anyway. And all the mixed signals I was getting from Renesmee I had no idea what she wanted. She was as confusing as her blooming mother. I suppose I just wanted to have her all to myself. Security. Selfish.

Maybe I was ruining her life, she could achive anything why would she want to marry the little boy from the tribe and run along and spend an eternity with him? I was only me. Like I said, I didn't deserve her.

_Not much of a cliff hanger but I promise it will get better._

_I think._

_Review._

_Thanks._

_x_


	3. Bella

Chapter three- Bella

Jacob black was there was me when Edward wasn't. He gave me reason to live. Even when I became what he hated the most he stayed, when I got pregnant was Edward's child he never left me. He left his pack for me. He fought vampires to keep me safe—he broke half the bones in his body trying to keep them away from me. There was a million debts I could never repay to Jacob Black, he was my best friend.

Granted sometimes he was a complete nightmare when it came to Edward but he didn't just want to miss his chance with me and wonder 'what if?' As I much as I wished he had.

Jacob Black was once more than a friend, I depended on him way more than that. I loved him. But times pass and things change. I'm now married to Edward and I'm a Vampire.

My daughter, Renesmee meant everything to me. Her bright smile, rosy cheeks and chocolate eyes remind me of when she was just a newborn – when I was a newborn. In ways no man is ever good enough for your daughter, and Jacob Black hardly qualifies for a suitable candidate when it came to my daughter's heart. However I had seen imprinting first hand and it's an unstoppable force of nature. Plus who else would put up with a girl who _bites _when she's angry?

As usual it was Edward who made everything awkward. As Renesmee grew older he grew more and more protective and more and more against the "Jacob idea".

"Bella the guy let you jump off a cliff" he argued, his face looked weaker than usual. I couldn't really sympathise though. "he didn't **let** me. I went against his will, and thats a recreational sport. People do it every day and It was kinda fun" I said.

"Fun for you" he muttered. "He had you riding a motorbike" he said. I raised my hand "again, my idea"

"He made you ask him to kiss you. He gave you no choice. He threatened with his life, what if he did that with our Nessie?" I cringed at the thought and the memory that followed. "Stop it Edward!" I demanded.

"That was me remember? Renesmee is less foolish than me. She's different and he loves her more." I pointed out. "He would never in a million years let her jump off that cliff the way he let me"

"Maybe your right" he gave in and laid back, his eyes rolled to the ceiling in defeat. "But this is not me agreeing to him marrying her!" he sighed. We both knew our precious Renesmee wasn't going to be young and innocent for anywhere near long enough.

The door to our cottage creaked open and I sprung to my feet as Renesmee peeped through the door "Who are you trying to avoid?" I asked,

"Only you" she confessed and walked straight through the room into her bedroom. Edward rolled his eyes. If I wasn't one myself I would proberbly of slated teenagers like every other mother.

"Actually we need to talk!" I called. Edward frantically shook his head "Oh no we don't. _Please Bella. I changed my mind __I dont like it._" He said using a tone he knew Renesmee couldn't hear. I gave him my best 'Oh come on' look.

"Maybe I'm too busy right now" she said quietly thinking we couldn't hear then she walked into the room we stood in. "Okay, shoot." She looked at us.

"Since when did we get boring?" Edward really sounded like the past-middle-aged dad every kid's embarassed to have. She looked like she really didnt want to be there.

"Your not... boring. Just... less than interesting" she smirked. "Just say what you have to say so I can get back to doing nothing" she sat on the big arm chair in the corner of the room.

"You know Jacob Black?" I asked. She nodded. _Wow, way to point out the obvious._ "Well he told you that he's imprinted on you hasn't he?" A half nod. _"_We just wanted you to know that whatever you choose we are going to be here" I looked at Edward who was just looking to the ceiling.

A unsure nod. "Is that it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Basically Edward has agreed to give Jake a chance. So you can do whatever you like without worrying about what we think" I said.

"Oh, erm.. well okay" she said. "Do you even like him?" Edward snapped his head up to look at her. "I don't know. He's cute" she shrugged him. "Cute" he laughed, giving in.

"Not his personality? Good friend? Loyalty? Compassion??" I asked. "He's not a single one of them" Edward said with a smile. "In that aspect he's really amazing. If you _must_ know. He's the closest thing to a friend I have, ...._besides you guys"_ she looked to Edward who laid emotionless.

Jacob was **my** friend, an odd surge of Jealously washed over me. It was soon gone though when I looked to my oh-too-perfect husband. "Can I go?" she asked, I nodded silently.

When Renesmee walked out of the cottage I sat next to him, and looked at his emotionless face "Was that _really_ so terrible?" I asked. He nodded. "_What do you have to do in this place to get someone to give a better answer than a nod?" _I mumbled. He laughed and turned to face me, "What kind of parents are we?" he asked.

"The best kind?" I tried,

"Try the worst. We'de have to be pretty bad to feed our daughter to the dogs"


	4. Fair play

Chapter four- Fair play

"Ring.. ring."

"Ring.. ring"

For god sake who seriously calls at 6am? I rolled on my side to grab my phone and who ever dare wake me should have been expecting an angry Jacob.

I blinked when I saw the caller ID, was I dreaming (more like having a nightmare) or was Edward Cullen calling me? _Why was Edward Cullen calling me?_

"Uh hello?" I droaned.

"Jacob?" Why was he whispering?

"Yeah-uh?" I was so tired I could feel my speak slurring. Me and the pack went out last night and we hadn't got in til early morning. I had hardly been asleep for four hours.

"I need to talk to you"

"Oh for god sake, get it over and done with or save it for a more social hour." I could feel my temper slipping.

"Oops sorry, I forgot you slept" he was still whispering.

"Yeah-uh. I eat too aren't I odd!" wait a second.... was Edward being nice or sarcastic? I sat up in my bed.

"Most perculiar" he laughed almost silently, maybe Renesmee was sleeping? Like I should of been.

"Well Bella dosen't exactly know I've called but she's been talking me into this whole 'Jacob idea'" he exhaled, which was wierd cause Vampires don't breathe. I don't think.

"Ah" I said, "You know I can't help how much I love your daughter, and I would be the most perfect boyfriend.. I was _almost_ good enough for Bella" I laughed nervously and I'm sure he muttered the word "Almost".

"I know that anything better than you would be a Vampire and I couldn't agree to that the way I have to this" he said

"Your agreeing to it?" I was defonatly awake now.

"Uh, I have conditions" he had obviously been thinking.

"_Rules?_" I sunk back down. I could just imagaine the lost list of do's and dont's that he had spent the whole night putting together.

"Sort of..." he laughed, "Firstly" I took a deep breath. "No cliffs, no diving off them"

"What?" I burst out laughing, that one wasn't on my list.

"Second, no motor bike. Infact no car unless I give my approval"

"Third. No threatening to kill yourself if she turns you down" he sounded really glum.

"Eh, don't worry Edward. No cliffs, no bike, no... threats" I laughed.

"Thanks Jacob" he sighed.

"This is really getting to you isn't it?" I asked,

"You couldn't imagine"

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Nessie could have worse" he said hopefully.

"You mean Seth could've imprinted on her?" I joked, he hadn't heard that boys thoughts recently! God he was growing into some sick kid..

"How is Seth?" he asked.

"Smashing, eh d'ya mind if I go.. I'm like sleeping" I was droaning again.

"True, you'll need it" he laughed.

All I could manage was "Whaa?" as I drifted off to sleep.

"It's Renesmee she's getting so teenager-ish"

"Oh heaven forbid she'de be teenager-ish"

"Night Jacob"

"Night Edward"

I didn't go back to sleep, how could I? Edward was being so nice, so kind, so _reasonable._ Amazing what Bella can do to him, last time I saw him he was ready to feed me to the cats! And now I had Edward Cullen's best wishes!" I almost rand Bella up to tell her how magical she really was and how she deserves a medal, but unlike some my phone dosen't start dialling til 12. Phone needs it's sleep!

I was allowed an ounce more time with Nessie now. I was allowed a whole, full length day. Dawn to dusk. Each Sunday was **our** Sunday.

I tried taking her to the cinema (I was shocked when she got into a 15), bowling, fast food places—y'know the places you see teenager's out and about. But she didn't enjoy it and whenever I asked her where she wanted to go it was always the Reservation.

Who can resist La Push? Well anyway one night the same as all Sundays I took her to the reservation. Billy was having a get-together with dancing and oldies music. I was certain she would love it cause she's into the same music as her family: Stone age boogies.

Sam and Emily, Sue and Billy, Quil and Claire, Jared and Kim, Seth and Leah and well just about everbody was going. I think it was celebrating Emily's pregnancy. But this was no babyshower.

"Pretty sweet party" I commented. "Pretty sweet? This place is amazing, what did you do?!" Renesmee stared in awe at my the sceanery.

It was dark and the only light besides the brilliant full moon was coming from the crackling fire. Everybody was dressed in their best shirts and dresses dancing around the fire, Billy had made an amazing light show out of tealight candles- Unlike some he had a talent for making something crappy beautiful.

There were white rose petals sprinkled around the fire—there was something symbolic going on there but I couldn't figure it out.

"Its so simple. Unlike Alice's parties. She would never of thought of this, its genius"

"Genius" I laughed, "Its called natural," I breathed in deeply "Can't beat that smell" I exhaled.

She breathed in and coughed loudly, "I breathed in... the smoke... by accident" she spluttered. "Are you alright?" I asked, genetally worried.

"I'm fine" she smiled. "So Miss Cullen, Please dance with me?" I Held out my hand for her. She took it and we danced under the moonlight.


	5. Accident

Chapter five - Accident

The night was so perfect, which is alot coming from me really. As I awkwardly danced with Renesmee I felt so blissful – like that whole year of babysitting was actually worth it. I remembered how easy life with Bella had been, as natural as wasn't that easy- this was more than I had ever had with Bella. I had so much more to loose right now, I couldn't just mess up with Nessie the way I had with Bella a thousand times. Her dad wasn't on my side like Charlie was. Bella was only practice compared to this, trial and error. That has gone wrong where this couldn't. I couldn't make the same mistakes again.

"Thanks for bringing me tonight, Jake" Renesmee said while we were sat by the bright blistering open fire.

"Let Edward know that, he might let you come next time" I laughed.

"Next time?" she asked. "You guys throw parties often?"

"I recon it's any excuse to get Sue Clearwater round, what better way to impress a girl than a party like this eh?" I rolled my eyes.

"Do you not like this Sue woman?" She was asking.

"It's not Sue I object to, It's..." I indicated the girl who was stood talking to my sister- Leah.

"She's pretty" she said.

"Pretty?! She's a complete dog, if you know what I'm saying" I said jokingly.

"She's a..." she just gasped. I nodded.

"Poor girl" She muttered. "Poor girl? I think you mean poor Jake, she's a nightmare!" I laughed.

Then she fell. She had fallen backwards, as a result of laughing a little too hard, into a forest of flames. Her scream was ear piercing as her flesh began to sizzle. I couldn't of stopped it- it all happened so quickly. Time stood still for a second. This _seriously_ couldn't be happening right now!

"Jake, help me!" she screamed. I dived into the flames and wrapped my arms around her body, dragging her out. It hurt more than you could ever imagine. I had burnt myself on the toaster in the past and got a tiny white dot that killed for hours – this was the same but all over my body. However I knew I could heal. I would live. But whats the one way to kill a vampire? Let them fry.

"Get some water!" I heard Sam shout,

"Someone call an ambulence!" Rachel shrieked.

So much screaming, too many faces. Darkness.

* * * * * * * *

I awoke. I saw bright lights and white walls. A continuous beep of a heat monitor. I was in the hospital Carlisle worked in- the only one in Forks. Carlisle knew. Edward knew. Bella knew. Everybody knew that I had ruined everything.

"Your awake" Rachel stood over me, her eyes were familiar—they soothed me. "Nessie" I stuttered. "Renesmee is in perfectly good hands- the doctor here is amazing" she beamed.

"He's a bloodsucker" I slurred. "God your an odd bunch down here aren't you?" She laughed.

"How are you feeling?" I heard my farther's voice but I couldn't see him, I could only see Rachel because she was stood over me.

"Sore" I confessed. My head hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my feet hurt, my fingers hurt, my stomach hurt. Everywhere hurt.

"I'll get the doctor" Rachel said, I almost told her not to bother but she was already gone. "I ruined everything, dad" I felt my eyes fill with tears, it burned.

"No, son" my dad tried to assure me.

"How is everything not ruined when she's in there fighting for her life because of me!?" I closed my eyes. This had to be the worst feeling in the world, going from one exteme to the other isn't good for the body. I knew everything was too good to be true.

"Just work on getting better, son" was all he could say, he knew I had well and truely messed this one up.

I heard the door open, "Oh Jacob" Carlisle said.

"Im sorry, Carlisle." I struggled to fight against my emotions.

"It was an accident" Carlisle assured me.

"Wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for me"

"Everybody makes mistakes"

"I'm not suppost to make mistakes!" I looked to the ceiling. "I'm tired of screwing up" I sighed.

"You know, your more like Edward than I thought" he half laughed. Making me open my eyes and look at him.

"Like how?" I asked.

"You beat yourself up too much" he said.

"Urgh," was all I could say. "How's Nessie?"

"She's not great, she's strong though" he said. "I just know she'll live through this" he smiled.

He injected me with some sort of pale liquid – proberbly morphine. "I have to go and look after Nessie now. I hope you understand" Carlisle said looking to the door, his only grandchild was in there fighting for her life.

"I understand" I said. Carlisle walked out and Rachel was back by my side. "How long do I have to put up with you for? I asked jokingly.

"As long as my baby brother is in here" She grinned. _Great._ I thought. "Haven't you got like a Paul to go to?" I asked.

"Don't be stupid Jacob, Paul understands why I'm here. He wanted to come in too but the doctor said something about only immidate family being allowed to visit." She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, they think we smell" I sniggered. "When actually you would be suprised how much it reeks in here. My nose is burning just from breathing it in" She sniffed, then shrugged.

"Smells like anticeptic to me" she said, "All hospitals smell of anticeptic" Billy laughed.

"I'm sorry Dad, about your party. I shouldn't of ruined it like that" I remembered.

"For god sake, go back to sleep Jake. Even your snoring's better than this" he smiled.

I was so tired. I was going to mumble something but couldn't. The morphine was kicking in and I wasn't hurting anymore. The clock read quater past midnight and I was completly dead to the world within seconds. Darkness was becoming more comfortable by the second.


	6. Suffering

(Note from Sally  : this chapter is from Edward Cullen's point of view, and I know Im swapping around too much and Its really annoying for me. But Jacob is injured and not really thinking straight – giving me seriously bad writer's block. It was a dead end from where I was seeing things.. so enjoy! _Maybe)_

Chapter six – Suffering

_How could he of just let her fall? Why did Bella talk me into the 'Jacob Idea'? Why did I agree to this? _

Carlisle claimed it was an accident. **Foolish **people have accidents, Bella was so so wrong. No, I couldn't blame her. I could only blame myself. I half expected something like this to happen, dose everybody forget what Jacob is? He is a big goofy animal. I blamed him for being him. He had his chance and he blew it, and I was there to pick up the pieces. I was the one sat by her bedside. Typical Jacob.

I was suppost to be eternally grateful to him, for keeping my Bella safe in my absence. But he made being grateful hard. I was much more hateful than grateful.

Renesmee. My little precious Renesmee. Her perfect skin was covering in third degree burns. Sure, Jacob Black had saved her life but if she was at home we wouldn't of had her dangling over an open fire like that.

As usual, no thoughts came from Bella as she knelt by Nessie's bedside. I could only imagine what she was thinking- this was proberbly one of those times she was glad I couldn't read her.

"Carlisle" I begged, "Is she okay? Is she breathing? Whats happening?" I was desperate. "I dont know, Edward. I'm doing everything I can" he said, the pain in his eyes was maddening. He couldn't promise me anything. He didn't _know._

Torture.

Was I ever going to forgive Jacob Black? I doubted it. He had been too foolish, with the wrong girl. My girl, he had no right to do this. Of course not any guy would do – obviously. But somebody had to be better than this, somebody who wouldn't throw my daughter into open flames. Somebody with a little bit of a brain.

"Bella, go home. You look so thirsty, it isn't good for your health!" I knelt by her side.

"It's not unbareable" she was holding her breath.

"It's not worth it either, tell her Carlisle" I pleaded.

"He's right, Bella. Renesmee won't wake til morning, I think I gave her a little too much morphine – you know what I'm like" he said indicating the empty needles on his desk.

"Urgh, Okay Edward. I'm just going to see Jake before I go" she said avoiding my look.

"Jacob Black got us into this!" I said touching my beautiful daughter's scarred hand. "_Jacob did this_" I whispered, more to Renesmee than Bella. "I won't ever forgive him for this" I looked to Bella who was getting to her feet.

"I'm sorry Edward, but Jacob means alot to me and he needs me right now. After everything, don't I owe him that much?" She was out of the door too quickly and the door hardly moved.

"Jacob Black isn't going to get what he deserves is he?" I whispered.

"It was an accident." He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Urgh" was all I could say.

Renesmee's thoughts made me jump slightly – the first time they had been active since she was brought in. At least she wasn't brain dead. "Jacob" she thought. Oh, he didn't deserve her.

"I'm sorry" She thought.

"Don't be" I whispered. Carlisle gave me an odd look but continued putting data into the computer. I put my hand on her's – hoping she could show me something, letting me know she could hear me. Of course she did... It was night time – the moon was full. Music from the eighties pulsed through the atmosphere, a fire lit the Black's back garden and people danced – many were faceless but a couple I noticed: Seth, Billy, Leah, Sam. Was it raining? No, that wasn't rain falling from the sky only white rose petals. And then, for only an instance – Jacob Black.

I took my hand off hers. What was she showing me? Her sweetest memory of her short life? That thought was enough to sicken me. She didn't blame him. Worse. She _loved_ him.

Was I really this wrong? Was I insane to think Jacob Black didn't deserve that place in her heart? No. I wasn't, because if I didn't belive that my daughter could do better than that mutt, I'de just be a bad parent.

"He will always mean something to you, wont he?" I felt drained – emotionally. "Why dose Jacob Black have to EXIST?" I tilted my head back and stared to the cieling.

"Everything happens for a reason Edward. That kid dose mean alot to our Nessie, and we have to respect that. As her guardians" Carlisle reminded me of his presence.

"Go home Edward – She's so drugged she dosen't know what she's thinking" he said. Oh, she knew what she was thinking about alright. "Not a chance" I said quietly. "As long as she's here so am I" I stroked her face and was suprised by the heat, a wierd thing about her I never really had the chance to get used to.

"Okay Edward, but I'm going home. I left Esme in such a state, Alice is blaming herself, Rosalie really needs to calm down and Emmett.."

"Just go Carlisle." I muttered. He nodded and left. The hospital felt eerie at night, not like one in the city where something's happening all the time. All people did here at night was sleep and die – the hospital was dead.

I almost decided to go home and hunt with Bella, I was thirsty and she needed me – more than Renesmee right now. But instead I made the decision to turn to the dog.


	7. Fool

Chapter seven – Fool

"Stay away from the fire" I pleaded. A younger Nessie fought against my weak hold, her ringlets flew in every direction as she stuggled in my arms. I turned to make her face me, "What are you doing?!" I was desperate, did she want to get hurt? She wasn't meeting my look though, she had her head down and her curls masked her face. She kicked me in the stomach "Oi." I said lifting her above my head to make her look at me, she lifted her head and her face made me jump. I almost dropped her. She was _crying._ The girl who I had never seen shed a tear was weeping.

"Oh Nessie" I cradled her to my stomache, "Pwweese let me go." Her voice sounded blood curdling, it wasn't her voice. "Pwetty fire! Pwetty fire!" She shouted, her face turning red in anger, I dropped her and she disappeared into the sea of flames.

I awoke gasping for air. I was sweating. Where was I? Hospital. I was in hospital. Memories of the night flooded back to me, "Breathe Jacob" I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes. Silence, an odd sensation but suprisingly calming.

I jumped as the door flew open and slammed against the wall behind it. "Jacob Black" This voice was more blood curdling, as the white snowy figure came into focus I realised it was Edward.

"I hope your proud of yourself!" he growled, bearing his teeth. I had always wanted a chance to fight him, but not now. Not tonight. I was weak, I wouldn't win this battle tonight.

"Just so you know, Renesmee is alive. No thanks to you" his words hit me like a thousand little daggers.

"Edward, I couldn't stop it!" I stumbled on my words.

"You caused it" he was hurting me, his words ripped into me and it was excrutiating.

"No, Carlisle said.." I began to feel my eyes swell with tears – the burning sensation returned.

"Carlisle was giving you false hope" he muttered.

"I don't want to hear any of this" I tilted my head back and let my eyes roll to the cieling.

"In that case I suppose you won't want to hear this either." He was still glaring at me. "Renesmee dosen't love you, can't you tell this is all a game to her? I hear her thoughts, Jacob" he was making me suffer, his own kind of pay back.

"She dose love me," I whispered. "She uses you, Jacob!" He was raising his voice now. "She uses you to get away from us, she sees you as an escape. A friend, not a lover" he raised his eyebrow, "You didn't think she was going to marry you did you?" He took a step towards me and stood over me, my heart was racing. _She did love me_. _He was lying._

"You didn't think she was falling for you did you? Your nothing but a mutt." He glared at me one last time then stalked out of the room silently. _He was right, I was nothing but a mutt. _

_I lived my whole life for this girl, but I was surely insane to think she loved me. I held her when she born, I helped teach her to walk, you don't love people who do that for you the way I loved her. He was right, I was deluded. Not only that though, now she was lying in the next room. Her beauty destoryed. Of course I would always love her however she looked, as would Edward and Bella and the rest of them. But no man was going to see past the scars, I had ruined any other chance she had. No vampire nor werewolf nor human would see how beautiful she once was. What beauty like that deserved. I was more than just an animal.. I was a monster._

He left me to dwell in my own misery. I was completly alone with my thoughts, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't _bare_ to be left like this.

I lifted my hand, and placed it on the wite rail that ran alongside my bed, I lifted myself up and the I was aching so much. I almost laid back down, convinced this wouldn't speed my recovery. But however the aching could of just been from my morphine. I place my feet on the floor and realised I wasnt wearing my pants anymore, I was wearing some sort of weird hospital tunic that didnt flatter my look. I understood that my pants had caught fire, but couldn't Billy just drive home and get some more? Whatever I was going to do, nobody would take me seriously in a dress! Even if all the other guys in here were wearing one.

I was suprised that it gave me the creeps when I thought about the fact that Carlisle had seen me naked, it was only his job after all. I stood up and proped myself against the wall, convinced I could go thurther.

"Don't strain yourself Jacob" I hadn't moved and Edward Cullen flew infrount of me. "No amount of convincing is going to help." He glared into my eyes, "She blames you Jake" he almost looked sorry for me as I let myself fall to the floor, I was being sufferated by my own guilt. "No..." I wimpered.

"She told me to let you down lightly, but I conviced her it would be easier for you if I set you straight, because you and her were never going to be together. She can't stand your smell" he sniggered. He left me there for dead, in a hospital. _I wondered if putting a gun to my head and shooting my temple would kill me or just leave a mess for me to clear up later._


	8. Weakness

Chapter eight – Weakness

"Beep.. Beep.." "Beep.. Beep.." The sound was sounding like a reoccuring nightmare, I was alive. Somebody twisted was keeping we mercilessly breathing, I opened my eyes to see the man himself hovering over me. I grumbled and he must of heard me or he wouldn't of begun talking to me.

"Morning Jacob, you muct of fallen out of bed last night – I founc you all tangled in your wires, I'm suprised the pace maker didn't get ripped out of the wall" he looked worried when I opened my eyes.

"How much longer til I can go?" I grumbled.

"Your mostly healed right now, I'm going to discharge you today actually – you don't _look_ any better but your healing from the inside outm under this dead, scarred layer new skin is forming, you might shed this layer completly like a spider" he laughed.

"Yeah, like an animal. Thats all I am" I sat up, I wasn't aching nearly as much as last night.

"Actually, a spider is an insect" he pointed out.

"Okay, Whatever. Im going" I grumbled getting to my feet, I looked down at my beautiful hospital wear – as soon as I got free of here I could phase. I turned back to Carlisle, "when you see Edward, tell him I understand and I wont make things harder for her than they have to be, but if she wants to be with somebody else then I cant just sit back and watch" _I wondered where the first gun I could find would be..._

Carlisle took a second to piece everything together – long enough to let me escape. Straight out of the window.

I left the tears stream down my face but they where gone within an instance as my body quivered and my inner beast was set free, my hospital wear shredded into little ribbons.

I had no idea how I was planning on killing myself, I couldn't just shoot my brains out – that would be too simple, I had lived through worse than a gunshot. If I jumped off a cliff I might not die but it would be a rude awakening, was that what I needed? I could go and challenge a _bloodsucker_ and let them have me but was that really how I wanted to die? I could burn myself, but I remembered the _pain._ I wasn't a masicist. But I doubt there's a painless way to kill a werewolf.

So eventually I decided against killing myself, I might eventually... but right now I needed to clear my mind of all thoughts and logically think of a plan. As I lay in the grassy meadow I wondered what kind of a sick creature I really was. Planning my own suicide. Thats what people who are ill do, people who want to die. I didn't want to _die._ I wanted to forget. I wanted the pain _to just go away._ To move on from Renesmee, to un-print...

I curled up and closed my eyes, her face even smiled at me from behind my eyelids.

"Your in my meadow" I opened my eyes to see Bella knelt by my side, she was stroking my coat. I looked up at her, giving her my best "Im confused" look, her meadow?

"The meadow we spent days trying to find, where you killed Laurent?" She smiled at me, I looked around – a few trees, flowers, grass. This was the same as all the other meadows I had seen. _What the hell was she going on about?_

"You saved my life that day, Jake. He would've killed me in an instance" she said, making me growl. Filthy bloodsucker. Now she was a bloodsucker too, just like the rest of them. How she managed to be the thing I hate the most and still be my Bella was beyond me.

"Are you going to phase back so we can talk normally?" She said running her hands through my fur.

I shook my head.

"You are so easy to get along with in this form, you'de make an amazing pet" She said, I pointed to my own leg where I normally tied my pants.

"If I go get you some pants will you phase back?" She laughed. I shrugged, it was so hard to communicate in this form.

"Promise you wont.."

I nodded . I was too weak and stupid to kill myself, I doubt I could if I had wanted to and the last place I wanted to end up was in hospital.

She would be back, she was proberbly stealing the closest man's pants, some unlucky hiker. Maybe she would take the time to run to mine, did she trust me enough?

No she didn't. She returned with some strange white pants, I didn't wear _white._ She used them to cover her eyes then passed them to me, I retched and my nose twitched, Vampire smell. "Sorry but they're Emmett's, Edward's clothes wouldn't fit and these were fresh out of the packet" I ran a few meters into the deep forest then phased back and got changed, I didn't dare tell her when her idea of "Big pants" Cut me in half in the middle.

"Thanks Bells" I put my hand on her shoulder.

"I don't blame you Jake" She said quietly.

"What?" I asked.

"It wasn't your fault, and I know you think it was, but I really don't belive you could of done anything to stop it. You wouldn't of let this happen, it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself" She finally turned around and wrapped her arms around me.

"I did belive that, it happened so quickly I had no control.." I told her, "I'm not going to kill myself Bella, I still have _some _fight left in me" I decided.

"I love you Jacob" She whispered.

"I know, Bella" I said patting her on the back.

"But you love her more" she said looking up to me,

"Just like you love him more" It wasn't a question.

"Dose _he _know your here?" I asked.

"No, he left this morning and I was keeping an eye on Renesmee, Carlisle told me what you had said and that he thought you had come out here to kill yourself, so I tracked you to here. We don't blame you, she dosen't blame you." She said.

"She dose! Edward told me, she'll never forgive me- I've _ruined_ her!" The tears began to fall.

"You still love her" She said.

I nodded.

"Then she isn't ruined. She _loves _you Jake" she said.

"Your all so confusing!?" I muttered, "Either your giving me false hope or Edward was lying"

"What did Edward say?" she asked, I shrugged "Like it matters"

"He was angry, but she dose love you. She told me only this morning, she told me about your party – she told me everything. I _actually_ think I've never seen her happier, even in that state" she shuddered, possibly at a memory I had missed.

"I need to see her" I confessed. I needed to hear it to belive it but not as much as I needed to see her.

We ran through the forest, the wind in my hair. I didn't bother changing back, I was sick of taking the easy route. I didn't want to hide from the truth, whatever it may be. My legs didn't carry me any faster than my wolf form but Bella kept pace with me.

When the hospital came into view I stopped running, "What did she say exactly?" I asked Bella. She turned to me and stopped running, "What?" she asked. "Renesmee, what did she say about me?" I asked.

"She said that you she saw you as more than a friend, she said you were 'beautiful'. You can hear the rest for yourself" she smiled, I took a deep breath and ran straight for the hospital.


	9. The Truth

Chapter nine – The truth

She made my blood curl, her skin was scarred, her hair was singed; down to shoulder length, her face brought a tear to my eye. The burns, I thought I was going to be physically sick – I possibly would of if I hadn't thought she would be offended after all it wasn't her appearence that sickened me _not really. _It was the back breaking guilt that was resting itself on my shoulders.

"Thankyou" She whispered to Bella, who nodded and went to stand by the door. "Jacob" Renesmee said. I knelt by her bedside, feeling so weak. I was the monster who did this to her, and if I wasn't then I was the monster who let this happen to her.

"Jake, my dad confessed everything – he was mad and angry and upset but he feels a whole lot worse now, he didn't expect you to..." she trailed off. A silver tear trickled down her cheek.

"Don't cry Nessie, it burns" I told her, remembering the agonising sensation. The moisture in her eyes glistened when the light hit them. "He almost make me loose you" she said, fighting against her emotions.

"You couldn't loose me, I'm like a bad smell" I didn't laugh but I'm sure I heard Carlisle break up, this didn't bother me – they didn't smell too great themselves. But she was right, she did almost loose me. I almost killed myself, granted I'm too big and stupid to of gone through with it .. but I _wanted_ to.

The doors suddenly burst open and Edward Cullen walked through them. His eyes were filled with guilt, dissapointment and thirst (a common trait in these Vampires). "I see you didn't kill yourself" he muttered, rolling his eyes as if he hadn't expected anything more from me.

"I think you've cause enough trouble today, son" Carlisle said, taking a step towards Edward.

"No, I haven't. None of this is my fault, It's your fault for imprinting on her!" he pointed to me, "This wasn't just _some unavoidable mistake"_ he growled.

"Edward!" Bella stood to her feet unable to take his tormenting words lightly, "You've done nothing but torture Jacob for the past two days, he knows this was partcially his fault – he's done nothing but blame himself, but this could be our fault. We let her go, we didn't warn them about the dangers of fire and we weren't there when everything went wrong" she looked at Renesmee, her eyes were full of pain and fear.

"But it _shouldn't _of happened Bella" he moaned walking to Nessie's side.

"This isn't about the fire is it?" Nessie asked quietly, Edward nodded. "No, I mean; this isn't about the fire entirely, this is about you not wanting me to be with Jacob" she said looking away from her father's eyes. "You never asked me what I wanted, you just presumed I didn't want that" she whispered.

"I know what you want, Renesmee. You want to spend the rest of your life with him, and I can't sit back while you make that mistake" he whispered back to her.

"Mistake?" I stood to my feet, "What are you trying to get at?" I felt rage build up inside me.

"Jacob calm down" Carlisle stood infrount of me blocking Edward's path. "Neither of you have been thinking of what Renesmee wants entirely, you've only been catering for your own desires." He said stroking Nessie's head "What do you want sweetheart?" He asked her.

I slumped into the chair behind me, this was useless.

"I want to be with Jacob, and I think my father will grow to accept that one day" she whispered. Edward rolled his eyes and walked over to Bella whispering something, "You'll get over it" she promised him and took his hand, he was defeated or at least over ruled.

"Renesmee still needs to heal" Carlisle announced, "We won't be bothering you any more today" He promised her then injected her with what I presumed was more morphine. "How long til she is healed entirely?" I asked.

"Two weeks, I'm guessing." He said. _Only fourteen days? _Wow. Edward and Bella got to their feet and walked out of the room, they proberbly had alot to talk about but I didn't care – Bella was right, Renesmee did love me after all.

"Do you mind if I stay?" I asked looking to Carlisle. He shurgged "Don't see why not, I have other patients to attend to anyway" he said walking toward the door. "He will get over it eventually, Jacob" he assured me.

"Eventually." I muttered.

"It's worth the wait" he said before he walked out of the room. He was right, maybe that was one thing I could wait for.

I sat and watched her rest, I didn't bother her incase it slowed down her healing. She was still beautiful, her eyes were still that chocolate brown I adored. I would always find her beautiful though, this was after all the only reason I hadn't killed myself, in hope that this might happen. Her scars didn't bother me, even if they never faded I wouldn't mind. It wasn't her face or her skin or her hair that I loved, it was just _her._

I didn't entirely mind that it might take years before her father began to realise I'm not going anywhere. When dose that matter when you have forever?


	10. Epilogue

Epilogue – Promises

"Is it not going to be awkward?" Paul asked. The whole pack were crammed into the lounge while Emily cooked for us all. "Because like, Jacob's with the vampire girl now, and she's not going to age, so we're all going to get old.. and he isn't?" He said.

I shrugged "I don't want wrinkles anyway"

"Yeah, but living _forever_. You'de run out of things to do" Quil pointed out.

"The vampires have to live forever, and they seem pretty content" Seth said.

"Your vampire buddies" Leah teased.

"But your whole entire pack will be aging, and you wont be" Paul said.

I sighed, I wasn't living for _"The pack"_ anymore, but I didn't want to tell them that – no doubt they would find out as soon as I phased.

"Food's ready" Emily said walking in with a platter of hotdogs and burgers. The aroma was mouthwatering, when did I last eat? The food was gone off the platter within seconds and there was silence in the room as everybody filled their faces,

"Should I cook more?" Emily asked. "Mmm" A lot of enthusiastic nods as Emily dissapeared back into the kitchen.

"So what happened while I was gone?" I asked, less out of curiousity than the fact I wanted the subject to change.

"Nothing really, Jared and Kim have a date now for their wedding" Paul said inbetween bites.

"Wedding?" Weren't these guys like still sixteen?

"Yup, one year, three months and 5 days from now" Jared beamed,

"Kim's eighteenth?" I laughed,

"her parent's are not going to give their consent so we have to wait" he sighed.

"I didn't know marriage was your thing" I said.

"It's not marriage, its _her_. The thought of being with her forever is great" he smiled.

"Yeah, I know what you mean"

There was alot of silence while people ate the last of the food, they were like animals – me included. My dog senses just made the sausages too good to resist, even when I'm not hungry.

"I feel like your all leaving me" Leah sighed, eventually. "I'm the only one who hasn't imprinted" she said rolling her eyes.

" I haven't imprinted" Seth said, "most of the young ones haven't"

"I'm not a young one though" she pointed out.

"Your a girl though, maybe it dosen't work the same" He said cramming yet another hotdog down his throat.

"Just because Female's arent in the Legends dosen't mean I miss out on all the fun" She sighed.

"Imprinting isn't fun" I said, my experience was less than enjoyable.

She gave me one of those "You know what I mean / Shut up Jacob" looks.

"I think you'll imprint" Jared said patting her on the shoulder.

"But if I don't then you guys wont just all dissapear and leave me to be the little lone weregirl?" she panicked.

"We'll always be a pack" Sam said, This pack talk was really starting to get to me. It's not like we're all Blood Brothers or something. This allience was starting to look like one I wouldn't be able to shake off easily, I would be sixteen forever but they wouldn't. Would they still want me to hang with them when they're old and grey and I'm still young and active? I _hoped_ not. Another eighty years of these guys seemed nightmareish.

Jared nodded, "Your aaaall coming to my wedding" he said looking at me as though I would be the least likely to show up.

The the door opened making us all turn around, more food. We were such greedy gits when it came down to it, but I hadn't eaten for at least two days. The convosation was officially over when the platter hit the table, thankfully.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

Edward and Jake have been fighting over my future all week, its been complete a nightmare. They're like two school children plotting against one another, I wish they would stop already!

My face is all scarred and horrible, how people can people actually bare to be around me? Yet again the only people who had seen me since the accident don't really care how I look, it's going to be terrorfying facing the real world. Maybe Aunt Alice could _hide_ the scars.

Grandpa said I'll be better by next week, or at least thats when I'll be allowed home – I can't wait to get out of here. I haven't seen Claire or Grandpa Charlie for weeks.

I also haven't seen Uncle Jasper in awhile, he phoned me the other day but he said he didn't like hospitals, something about the _smell._ I don't blame him for not liking hospitals, this place had caused me nothing but trouble.

Jacob knows how I feel about him now, which is a good thing. _I think._ How bad could it possibly be right? This was how things were suppost to turn out, you can't fight against something as strong as the power of imprinting, especially when you really really don't want to.

It's so boring here though, I'm not drugged up anymore cause the pain's gone – it only hurts when I prod it. Its hard to believe that Jacob was as badly burnt as me, his scars have faded so much they are like tiny white lines – he looks like he was in a fire five years ago. Wouldn't it be great to be a werewolf?

I laid there thinking of all the cool stuff the werewolves got to do, like run around all day naked. Well, not naked.. but without the burden of clothes, and the super fast healing – bones fixing themselves almost instantly and someday, even if that day was so out in the future – being able to grow old, have children and die peacefully.


End file.
